Our Autonomic Nervous System (ANS) is our bodyguard (see deep-dives #4 to #6). It reacts to danger by activating the sympathetic nervous system: We are on alert and usually go into fight or flight mode. However, if we perceive the event as so dangerous that neither fight nor flight helps and the stress feels so extreme that it overwhelms us, we switch to freeze mode. Once the danger has passed, we begin to calm down again, and our protective mechanisms retract to allow the feeling of connection with ourselves and others to take over. But what if, for whatever reason, we get stuck on the bottom rung of the ladder? When can it be particularly difficult to calm down and relax? This hurdle is particularly high if the event that needs to be overcome is linked to a trauma reaction.
What is trauma?
Trauma is an experience that we find particularly stressful or disturbing and that can have long-lasting psychological, emotional, or physical effects on us. "Trauma is a psychological wound that hardens us emotionally and subsequently impairs our ability to grow and develop," says Gabor Maté. In other words, trauma tells us that there is something happening with which we cannot cope. We are stuck in freeze mode, feeling constantly tense, anxious, or exhausted, long after the event itself has long ceased to exist. Contrary to the way we often use the term in our everyday lives, for Gabor Maté, trauma is not the event itself, but our reaction to it: The external stress is only the symptom; the real stress is that which takes place in our nervous system. To deal with the pain and ultimately to ensure our survival, we go into dissociation; we go numb, distract ourselves, freeze, and avoid feelings.
The first thing most of us probably think of when we hear the term "trauma" are serious, life-threatening events, such as violence, abuse, accidents, or natural disasters. These trigger what are known as "Big T traumas". However, there are also less obvious, often everyday experiences that can cause so-called "Little T traumas". The "Little T's" may not be as intense as the "Big T’s“, however, they can have equally profound effects if experienced repeatedly. Constant emotional neglect, chronic stress at work, fear of loss, bullying, social rejection, and illness are just a few examples.
We often underestimate or fail to recognize the potential that these small, everyday events can have. It usually manifests itself in subtle yet profound changes in our thinking, feeling and behavior. For example, if we overreact emotionally, feel chronically stressed, experience numbness or are confronted with difficulties in our relationships, these could be signs of a trauma reaction. In the long term, depending on their frequency and duration, they can also lead to anxiety disorders, depression, or low self-esteem, among other things, and thus have a debilitating effect on all areas of our lives.
Here, Gabor Maté presents what he considers to be the seven impacts of trauma:
Our experiences during our early childhood, from the moment of our conception and our embryonic development during pregnancy all the way up to our teenage years at 15/16, play a special role in the answer to the question of how and when trauma develops. During our childhood years we are more dependent than ever on our attachment to our primary caregivers. If during this formative time we are exposed to emotionally painful experiences, these have a major influence on the development of our adult personality and the way we experience and live relationships. According to Gabor Maté, this type of trauma is one of the main causes of many of our later problems as adults. It is called attachment trauma (also known as relationship or developmental trauma), and it develops because we perceive our attachment to our primary caregivers (usually our parents) as insecure, dysfunctional, or stressful. It is often caused by neglect, emotional or physical abuse, separation, or other unstable and unsafe conditions.
Let's dive a little deeper into it.
What are symptoms of attachment trauma?
In our society and especially in our professional lives, the idea that we must always be capable and emotionally stable has dominated over the years. Traumatized people can feel additional pressure to hide their vulnerability to meet these expectations. From the outside it seems as if they were leading a seemingly normal life: they go to work, maintain social relationships, fulfill their daily obligations - they function. Quite often, they also appear highly resilient on the outside.
However, and although the symptoms are not always obvious, they reveal themselves to the attentive observer in several ways: the affected individuals may have difficulty building trusting relationships or find them threatening. Others struggle to allow emotional closeness or desperately seek reassurance and security from others. Difficulties in regulating their own feelings or a lasting negative self-esteem, as well as a particularly sensitive reaction to rejection and even anger - the signs are as varied and individual as we humans are.
While traumatized people unconsciously seem to find a way to temporarily adapt to the circumstances, this can work well for a while. In the long term, unprocessed and unaddressed trauma can lead to chronic stress, exhaustion, anxiety, sleep disorders, emotional numbness, feelings of being overwhelmed, burnout, depression, addictive behavior, post-traumatic stress disorder or emotional breakdowns, among other things.
Learning about trauma, exploring how we all deal with our protective programs and how we can free ourselves from the neurological survival trap are important prerequisites on the path to a healthier life with trauma – whether it is us who are impacted or someone we know or love. Thus, under certain conditions, post-traumatic growth can emerge from a traumatic experience that might not have been possible without this challenge. This does not mean that trauma is trivialized; it is about recognizing that new light can emerge from the darkest moments.
The shell of the nut:
Trauma is a normal reaction of our nervous system to extraordinary conditions that it classifies as extremely stressful and in our evolutionary context "life-threatening". It enters our lives at distinct phases, in various forms, types, combinations, frequencies and degrees of severity. The likelihood that we all carry at least one traumatic experience within us is correspondingly high. Plus, trauma has not only a psychological dimension, but also a physical one. What our ANS cannot process remains in the body and we carry it around with us everywhere and through our entire life. Thus, if it remains unprocessed, it can also lead to physical illnesses.
Recognizing the often-subtle symptoms of trauma makes it less of a stigma and therefore, in a way, more “normal.” This is both an opportunity and a risk: on the one hand, it makes talking about trauma less of a taboo and easier for everyone impacted to get help. On the other hand, a deregulated state can feel completely normal to those who do not know what a non-traumatized state feels like. Subsequently, it remains unaddressed and unprocessed - which keeps them from living their best lives.
How coaching can support:
The direct processing and healing of trauma takes place in therapy. It requires targeted psychological expertise and the use of clinical approaches by specialists. Coaching, in contrast to therapy, focuses on promoting personal growth through action and solution-oriented approaches. If coaches recognize signs of trauma during their work with their clients, they are obliged to offer to refer them to a qualified therapist or psychologist.
Nevertheless, coaches can use the so-called trauma-sensitive or trauma-informed coaching approach to support traumatized people in achieving their goals. Coachees may have traumatic experiences in their past that affect their ability to achieve certain things in their lives that are important to them or to develop and grow in certain areas. Trauma-informed coaching can support the achievement of these goals by considering the impact that trauma has on the coachee's life. This can be a valuable support for client, allowing them to continue to work on their personal growth and develop calming, stabilizing routines in a safe, supportive, empathic, and respectful "space" where their traumatic experiences are validated.
My books of the month:
The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture (Gabor Maté, 2022)
The body keeps the score: brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma (Bessel van der Kolk, 2015)
Am I traumatized? How we always leave the same problem loops (Verena Koenig, 2021)
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